And who the hell has those beautiful feet I saw earlier? “Oh, yes, there are some beautiful feet in the world; I just did not see them,” I told my therapist about my knee. At least I was willing to discuss them and consider what I had been saying about them, and I was able to acknowledge that they certainly did not have to do with the way I felt.
On the other hand, I know how I felt with my knees. Even after I got over them, there were moments my therapist used to interrupt me whenever she saw me thinking about them. In one scene, she was calling out my knee in the wrong way; in another I was looking right and she said, “I’m sorry. Why do you look funny?” In another, I was looking up at the ceiling when she told me to do sit-ups; I was too focused to hear her. As much as I loved my legs, my knees were just as awkward as ever. For more than eight months, I couldn’t stop thinking about them. And at that point, I couldn’t stop loving myself for feeling that way. “Do you want to tell us things you feel or do you just want to feel things? ” I asked.
“Yes, I just want to be happy and be free. I just want you to be happy,” my therapist replied.
“I love what I love,” I said.
“So can I give you that?” she asked.
“Do you ever need more of yourself? Or maybe more than what you say you need?” she said to me. “I think you should talk to me about what it would feel like to be a happier person, or how to be more in touch with your emotions. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen,” she told me.
“That would really be appreciated.”
As for me? I found the answer to that question in what my therapist actually taught me. “When people make that statement,” she explained, “I want them to know where the problem is. The problems with the person actually exist in them. The world is full of people who are like everyone else. They are different and wonderful, just not the way the people around them are different as well. In order for the world to change, we have to see that. I think that when the people with problems feel it and understand that they are different, then they will start taking part in change too.”
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