Yes, no? Yes, no?
For a long time, I was able to take lessons in order to become fluent in music. But this never had any value for me. The reason behind this, I think, was that I had never had a proper musician’s education, because I was living in Moscow before the revolution. I grew up without learning anything. I learned a lot, but I think that the teaching that I received, especially for the first few years when I went to Moscow to school, was not of that standard.”
For me, music was nothing more than a way of life, a religion I found very attractive.
“In all my life, I’ve never had any feelings about music. But since this time I’ve gradually become aware that the way that a person hears music is the main thing. I’ve become a kind of musician. Music had once been my passion. But now, I can say that I have no intention to play music. All my life, I learned music in order to understand other people. It always felt more important to talk than dance around music. Music is an instrument that I’ve been able to use, as I’m now, for the first time, to study. I learned music because I like it. That was why when I was young, I was able to take lessons. I was the instrument for others or something like that.
“I know that in general there was a sense during the first 15 years of my life that music was a tool for me and the people around me that I was close to; it was my way, I thought, of expressing myself. Now, music doesn’t seem like such a good way of expressing myself; I now feel the sense of music being my worst enemy. I feel a lot of regret about that. What’s more, I no longer have any particular way of expressing myself. In the past, the way I communicated with strangers was through music.
“I understand that for people, music doesn’t seem like the most important thing in life. It might seem an impossible thing at times to be able to say with confidence to a friend, ‘Your music is so beautiful, we’ve always wanted to hear it.’ That’s not always possible with music; people don’t like to be heard through music. It makes them feel uncomfortable.
“But what I’d like to say is that music is the instrument, a piece of music for other people, but it isn’t the
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