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A few weeks ago, I took an online dating quiz, and it was a tough question.

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The number that popped up when you typed in your name was “17,812.” Even though only 17,000 people answered the questionnaire, that’s still well over 1 in 1,000.

That’s how hard your first date was.

It turns out that many of these 18,000 people were real people living in cities like Chicago and Kansas City. I wasn’t one of them.

But these are the people that I most envy. They just happened to live right across from my workplace, on the other opposite side of the country.

I’m also jealous of the thousands of other guys who take the online dating questionnaire and end up asking all of my friends and family the same exact question. “Does your name really start with the letter A?”

Or, instead, “Do you have multiple initials in your name?”

I’m sure you’re all tired of the endless discussion about who has the right number of initials to have a “G” in their names. It’s not easy. It makes you feel guilty about the letters in your name, and when you add in all of the guys who have names like “Buddy” or “John” you begin to wonder why the hell no one takes the online dating quiz more seriously. They just have to get on that first date, put it to bed, and get a date, that’s it. That’s how it goes.

Let’s look at what people really want.

A Name, A Name

You could go on like this for weeks. You could argue that your initials alone aren’t the key to being popular (who is that annoying boy down the street who says it all the time? Do you even know who he is? How many times have you told him your initials sound like the letters A-E?”) but your name is really important.

For one, it tells your friends, it shows that you are someone

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